It defiantly affected me and my morning; listening to her freaking out and acting mad was just confusing as hell, it made me so angry , shocked, and unsettled, unfamiliar with the exact feeling I felt ,and whatever I felt made me instantly cry. I mean I was thinking what the hell is happening to the balance of the universe? out of all people she has no right to act mad, and if she does.
Well, I instantly need to break and chatter into a million pieces blowing human dust particles in thin air, till I dissolve into nothing.
Tears were rolling down my face and a big upside smile appeared, it was very hard to hold back the not so good feeling at work, what the hell is she upset about?? She should look around her and at how life can be; I’ll give a better picture in sentences:
• parents divorced at the age of 7
• father slowly replacing current family with new one
• fathers family hating mothers family and I and siblings in between
• growing up with low self esteem and always thinking it’s my fault
• being lied to constantly by parents
• moving around and not staying in one house for more than three years
• growing poorer as we grow up , the more education the less money
• bounced around relationships
• door matted by family and friends
• domestic violence for years and years and years and years both emotional and physical
• constant shame
Need I say more.....?
• increasing poverty in the world
• hunger in the world
• Saudi women treated as second class citizens in their own country(my country)
• third world countries citizen's treated bad in other third world countries by other third world citizens
• the occupation of Palestine
• Darfur
• Saudi Arabia
• Iraq
• discrimination against color , and against gender and against sexual behavior and against everything
• child trafficking
Look outside your shadow will you!!!Your not the only miserable one in the world
I don’t know if am angry at her or at ppl around me or at the whole world for being oblivious, or at myself for allowing it??
watching her take life for granted and fussing , (to me )all the time , and when she is done and all talked out , shell ask" what’s up with you ?" how can I possibly complain after she made life seem so impossible and with a time frame of a second? I can’t talk about how bad I’m feeling , i have to help her feel better, BC I really do care ( she is my vava with a room)and I don’t want her to sink in a hole of despair ,it is my duty as a friend, I don’t know what to say ....should I say it all , or should just keep my mouth shut???
I constantly feel like a doormat (and know I’m not), I mean not BC I listen and I’m understanding then I ill only care about you, guess what, I sometimes don’t give an effing fuck, and a reminder; everything goes two ways
Honestly, I’m not waiting for anything to come my way.
It’s always been so important what she says or how she feels and what she wants to listen to and what she doesn’t, well guess what! I Sometimes do have something to say, and sometimes I don’t want to hear other ppl's shit. Just like her I can’t be bothered I’m just too nice to say it , in other words I don’t want to stop her and make her feel bad by doing so .BC when it comes to feeling bad , I can be the queen of sorrow, an expert on soul cramps, I carry a PhD in feeling the color blue.
My life can be a mystery with the things I don’t talk about, BC I choose not to, but I’ve always worn my scarlet letter and that's just me, and I do love my Varoom, my friends, my family, the world I live in and most of all, I adore the letter I wear, for it is mine and I wear it with pride.
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