My addiction!

As I sit here thinking of how or when to start getting right to the subject, I can’t even put my finger on how this whole thing started!!!
What is it that I want to talk about?? My addiction or shall I say addictions or should I start on how I established one, my dysfunctional upbringing, my twisted childhood that would totally screw up an animal, not just a human .or should I just talk about being an oppressed women in a backward fanatic society, a society where they compare a girl to a curse I even met a woman named مصيبة!!!!!


As I sit here talking about all this shit, I can’t help but wonder is this how it’s always going to be? Sitting here thinking I’m unfortunate?? Addicted with a miserable child hood and I’m woman, A7A!!This is exactly what I’m talking about ……what are we going to do? What am I going to do? I can’t live like this, always thinking there is something wrong, thinking there is something that needs to be dealt with ,and always thinking that THIS SHOULD’ NT HAPPEN NO MORE!!!!!! Whatever it is that is happening….

As I sit here thinking of how would I possibly stop this from happening, I don’t want to be the scared one with a pile on top of my back! Crawling and suffering from the load, I don’t want to be here and there, and everywhere with my thoughts and my body, I don’t want be blamed and in the same time am sick and tired of blaming the world …
As I sit here I’m thinking woe is me and why me???I can’t help to notice that every time I sit like this thinking I wonder why is it that no one can’t do anything about it, change it, fix it, and help it.


As I sit here thinking and talking I can’t help to notice that if no one can do those things then, I can! I can change it ,fix it ,and help it ….if not for me, but for all people like me and if not for people like me ,then for myself !

As I sit here thinking and talking, blabbing and blabbing of how this all happened and why and why to me and all the other women, I don’t know what it is but my pride stops me! and if I have pride I have power .you know will power ,if I can talk about it then I guess I can talk some more and If I can think about it (all the time) then I can defiantly think more


As I sit here thinking and talking I have decided to think and to talk some more, I have decided to tell you that I’m an addict and I also want to tell you that I hate it as much as I love it, but what is more important is that I want to stop it !!!



As I sit here blabbing I want to tell you, yes my childhood sucked ass and my upbringing was terrible but that is when I was a child and a child no more, I have grown and grown some more not like a tree but like a woman who is keeping it real!


A woman who wants to be and just be …..No stress no shit, no baggage!!!


As I sit here telling all of you this, I can’t help to state the fact and to be fair.i did this to me ,I didn’t refrain me or control me , if my excuse was no one stopped me !I should have stopped me ,at the end of the day or the end of life it’s me ,only lonely me sitting thinking and maybe talking ,but to whom?? To me!!!


As I sit here I know I’m wrong & have wronged, talking about it and taking initiative is a must, standing still I’m lost!

Using my voice and words is a must ,taking initiative is my plan .I don’t care if my life sucked, because as I sit here talking &thinking ,thinking and blabbing , blabbing and blabbing some more, I know that you are thinking ,but are you talking??

And I sit here realizing that this is how it goes down; I have to acknowledge! In other words, admit I am an addict, because I am!!!! Go get help and talk about it, and then try to survive it , in other words d e a l with it ,but I want you to remember, it starts with some thought and a loads of truth !!!!!Truth from you, for you!! Then a little talk -all you need is someone to listen, that’s not hard!!!To find someone to listen, shit; you could even listen to yourself, lol that would even give you something to talk about!







12/02/2008